Ethics - Words Do Matter

I am enjoying reading about the Ethics conference. Hate to have missed it - hope to make the next one! So far, I have read about some important issues that I am pleased to note were addressed. The issue of attaching the "birthmother" label on an expectant mother is one issue that I am thrilled was discussed. Sometimes I hear comments about how words don't matter, but I do not believe that to be the case. Words DO matter and labeling a woman a birth mother prematurely can thrust a her into a particular mindset. If she begins to think of herself as a birth mother, it may increase, in her mind, the inevitability of her relinquishing her child. Of course, this fact is no surprise to adoption workers. In fact, I think labeling a pregnant woman as a birth mother is a deliberate act designed to help insure that a mother does not change her mind about placing her child. A woman experiencing an unexpected pregnancy may be fearful, scared and vulnerable. Agencies understand this fact and prey on her weak points with tried and true, well-honed methods. Many agencies use highly sophisticated marketing techniques. They market adoptive parents as perfect beings, and adoption as a win-win practical and sensible solution. What they mostly neglect is how a woman (and sometimes her child) may feel later on about the adoption option. Words matter too when counselors babble on about "doing the right thing," or mention "if you love your baby, you will...." And yes, I do believe that most mothers do love their babies and want to do what is best for them. It matters that the adoption option is lauded as a noble and courageous act while simultaneously insinuating that parenting may be a selfish and irrational choice. Parenting is not easy, but compared to living a lifetime without your child, it is infinitely doable, and preferable in most circumstances. Browse most adoption agencies sites. Parenting sounds like such a joyless, unrewarding and potentially life destroying choice, it is a wonder that anyone would want to parent! When considering her options, a pregnant woman needs accurate, detailed and honest information about her choices. Only then will she be able to make a valid decision. Educating pregnant women thoroughly has to be a vital first step in insuring that the adoptions of the future are ethical and necessary.

Check out this post of Nicole aka Paragraphein's http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/2007/10/19/an-insiders-perspective-on-bethany-practices/ and see what a former adoption social worker thinks about ethics in the industry. She is not the first, nor the last adoption social worker who becomes disillusioned with the industry.