Benefits of Adoption for Birth Mothers?
Is there anything about being a birth mother that one can really recommend? If you read some adoption agency websites, they may list the “advantages” of adoption for a birth mother. Are they bald-faced lies? Check out the potential benefits for the birth mother I found on a website:
Potential Benefits for the Birthmother:
· Housing assistance may be available
· Support and counseling
· An opportunity to fulfill your dreams such as education, travel or career goals
· The chance to dreams the you have for your child come true
· Prenatal and delivery expenses paid as needed
· A better choice of excellent doctors and staff
· You get to choose a family for your child that you like best, and can get to know them personally
· Birth mother support group with other birth mothers who will share their experiences with you
· Counseling/support services for other members of your family
· Attorney fees and all legal expense will be free
· You will have the chance to bring many people a lot of happiness that could not happen without you.
· Happiness that comes with knowing that the adoptive parents know you love this baby enough to insure his or her happiness
Keep in mind that they list all these so-called "benefits" to make it sound like, "Wow" look at all you get - sooo much. Dang, you know what - they forgot some of the benefits....how about never-ending pain, regret, shame, longing for your child, getting to tell your other kids that you gave their sibling away (or your husband...), being called cruel, heartless, etc., hesitating every time someone asks if you have children or how many.....you all know there are so many more "benefits".
For the benefits to the adoptive parents, they list three benefits; two are getting to parent, the other mentions something about getting to experience a pregnancy....no kidding!
Remember that little ditty, "Liar, liar, pants on fire?"
posted by Cookie @ 6:11 PM
22 Comments:
I live for the day that those websites will be illegal.
Hi, I am pregnant with my third child and am being "incouraged" to consider giving it up by a friend. I am raising the other two. They are wonderful , beautiful, perfect. I'm in a tight situation, recently left an abusive relationship, in major-can't get an apartment-debt, and basically we are sleeping in my father's livingroom.
I really think that these things are temporary, while giving up my child is not. But what if I'm being selfish? What if one woman who already has two boys can't have another?
I need some advise, from people who have kids and who have been there before. My email is alycegawlas@gmail.com, please no junk or solisitation.
Alley, keeping the family together is not selfish.
Put your energy into making the father or fathers of your children being more responsible for them.
Put your energy into raising your self esteem so you don't end up in abusive situations, see if you can share a house with another single mother and share the child care and get some part time work to help you out.
If adoption wasn't an option you would be looking for other solutions.
Kim, I emailed Alley and she has decided to keep her baby. She has a college degree, says she is a good mom - no reason for her to relinquish.
Alley, I'm an adoptive mom, and I want you to know that I would NEVER EVER want a woman to separate herself from her child because of my infertility. The adoption of your child is not the answer to my medical problems, although today this is what society believes.
Raise your third child, keep your family together!
third mom, I love you. hehe....
and cheers to abbey and her 3 kids!
and further more........uh yeah, the web sites are junk. mmmhmmmm....
Gag... pardon me while I go vomit.
Ok, I have something to say re: the benefits if I may...
· Housing assistance may be available
- because this prevents a woman from keeping her baby, otherwise she'll have to pay for it.
· Support and counseling
- that is only one way towards adoption.
· An opportunity to fulfill your dreams such as education, travel or career goals
- That didn't work, because I kept obsessing, and being depressed over the loss of my daughter. College was a permanenet failure, as well as all other career goals.
· The chance to dreams the you have for your child come true
- My dream was to be able to raise her, there goes that dream.
· Prenatal and delivery expenses paid as needed
· A better choice of excellent doctors and staff
-I was forced to take the best doctor in the hospital, who pushed for adoption.
· You get to choose a family for your child that you like best, and can get to know them personally
-Once they took my baby, there was no more personal. They lied to me.
· Birth mother support group with other birth mothers who will share their experiences with you
- I can't get other mothers of loss to COME to a meeting. So much for that one.
· Counseling/support services for other members of your family
- I can't even get counseling for myself, ha ha ha!
· Attorney fees and all legal expense will be free
-Of course, that's because I don't actually get an attorney or legal support. They represent the adoptive parents.
· You will have the chance to bring many people a lot of happiness that could not happen without you.
- At the expense of my own happiness as well as the happiness of my child.
· Happiness that comes with knowing that the adoptive parents know you love this baby enough to insure his or her happiness
-Not necessarily. Many adoptive parents kill their adopted children.
Cookie where have you gone?
(((Cookie))) I'm wondering the same as kim.kim.... r u working too hard? r u ok?
Hi, I'd like to share with ya'll a new and very important book about adoption:
The STORK MARKET:
America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
by Mirah Riben
Foreword by Evelyn Robinson
Projected Release Date: Feb 15, 2007
ORDER YOURS NOW!
www.AdvocatePublications.com
Stork mar·ket. (stôrk märkt) n. 1. exposé of the corruption in the adoption industry; the fine line between black and gray market adoption; scams, coercion and exploitation. 2. an in-depth report on the international market where children are the commodity being bought and sold to the highest bidders including pedophiles with prices based on quality (i.e. age, skin color) of the merchandise and set as high as ‘desperate’ consumers continue to be willing to pay. 3. an examination of the myths of adoption that put the needs of adults, and those who profit from their desperation, before the needs of children who need homes. 4. an extensively researched and documented book that asks if adoption can be fixed—the money aspect removed and government controls and regulations put in place—or abolished in favor of permanent guardianship, or informal adoption sans the issuance of falsified birth certificates. 5. goes further than Riben’s groundbreaking, award-winning “shedding light on…The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988) which was excerpted in Social Issues Review Series, Utne Reader and Microcosm USA. 7. reveals, for the first time in print, Riben’s role in the notorious Joel Steinberg murder case.
__________________________________________________
“Riben has done it again. Once again, as in Dark Side, she has pulled back the covers and exposed the unpleasant truths and problems that need to be addressed in American adoption practices. While difficult, when we remove the rose-colored glasses many view adoption through, the conclusions that Riben comes to are inarguable. Most impressive on every count….well researched and thought out.” Annette Baran, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., co-author The Adoption Triangle
Mirah Riben writes that she refuses to give up. This book—a wonderful and well-integrated mix of approaches—part analysis, part case studies from the front lines, part handbook, part up-to-date law and policy review—is a testament to Riben's powerful and enduring commitment to the rights and needs of vulnerable women and their children. Riben's book is a clear, bright blueprint for change. Rickie Solinger, historian and author of Pregnancy and Power: A Short History of Reproductive Politics in America
“Combines the historical and legal perspective with really hard hitting journalism.” Maureen Flatley, political consultant and media advisor specializing in child welfare and adoption
That's some crazy marketing there.
If being a birthmother is so great, why would they need a support group in the first place?
Bleh, I'm really disgusted by the whole adoption industry right now.
This just turns my stomach.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
I take strong offense to those types of advertising.Not only are they bold face lies,many of the mothers want the support without the strings attached to adoption.If a mother changes her mind half way thru,they usually threaten to take the resources away.I wonder why women cant get these types of supports without having to lose their child forever.On my website i created a public education brochure,and sometimes i drop them off at counselling centres and hospitals.I feel that it is a crime to not fully inform people that it is a life long decision,irrevocable and extremely traumatic.Kudoes for this post!!!
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
This is what they SHOULD be telling expectant mothers considering adoption:
- Promises of openness are just that, promises, nothing more. They are broken more often than kept.
- You will suffer lifelong grief that will ripple out to all members of your extended family, spouse and children...IF you are lucky enough not to suffer from secindary infertility which has a higher incidence among birth mothers than the general populace
- Your child will be more likely to have learning disabilities, and emotional problems of all types because of identity confusion and feelings of abandonment.he is likely to suffer Adopted Child Syndrome.
- A high percentage of serial killers are adopted. Read David Kirschner's books.
- Even if raised in a perfect family (which is totally a crap shoot) your child WILL BE (not might be) denied his or her right to his/her own birth certificate FOREVER (except in 4 states). he will feel like a second class citizen, and likely blame you for it.
Also read: "The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry" by Mirah Riben
www.AdvocatePublications.com
hey im in my 6th year of exile..still waiting for the benefits!!!
o i think they were, having the visits and contact closed off, not being able to get out of bed due to grief and rage, self medicating and worrying constantly that my child is okay. hoping she doesnt think im some cold uncaring person.
yeah if these are benefits i wonder what the pitfalls are haha
Damnit woman...you have been quit too damn long!
Speak COOKIE SPEAK!!
Where ARE you!
Please check out: Getting The Message Out
Sunday, May 20, 2007
www.FamilyPreservation.blog
Will you post this blog site; I am a birth mom(Ugh the term makes me feel like puking)http://keepingbabieswithmommy.blogspot.com/; all comments are appreciated. We have to stick together.
Thanks,
Kelly
Your blog is great.
Cookie, I saw a recent comment you made on another blog, and am wondering if you're blogging somewhere else! I hope so!
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